good times and bad times, we all must have our share

but when I left home with a brown eyed man, you know, I still don't seem to care!

I've been feeling gloomy. Broody lately. Blue.  Mostly longing for a past that I don't even wish to relive. Strange how that happens.  Strange how our memory works. Memories and senses are all intermingled with each other. I smell spring coming into summer and I remember wilder days.  I smell cherry blossoms on the wind and I remember peaceful times. I smell the ocean and I remember people that I've loved.

And when the memory fades and I find myself in today, I remember why I am here today. TODAY.  I remember why I gave up my wild days.  I look at my son who is a carbon copy of my husband and I remember why I love them.  And I look around me, at my friends and my family and I remember why I love them, too.  They are real people. They are not purely figments of my over-nostalgic imagination.  Another thing that is funny about memory is that it paints a prettier picture than it should sometimes. Almost too alluring.  Too good to be true.

So, I shall stay in the present.  And wait expectantly and excitedly for the future. It's not his fault that no one has ever loved him this much. (maybe his mother and his children)  He just doesn't know how to handle it. And that's ok, cause he will learn to be loved.  Sticking out the rough patches is much more worth the pain when they become smooth times.

.. and with that, fitting lyrics from a band that has become my new "thing" ;)

Falling Away With You.  Muse.


I can't remember when it was good
moments of happiness elude
maybe I just misunderstood

all of the love we left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find

so I'll love whatever you become
and forget the reckless things we've done
I think our lives have just begun
I think our lives have just begun

and I'll feel my world crumbling,
and I'll I feel my life crumbling
and feel my soul crumbling away
and falling away,
falling away with you

staying awake to chase a dream
tasting the air you're breathing in
I hope I won't forget a thing

promise to hold you close and pray
watching the fantasies decay
nothing will ever stay the same

and all of the love we threw away
and all of the hopes we've cherished fade
making the same mistakes again
making the same mistakes again

and I feel my world crumbling,
and I feel my life crumbling down,
I can feel my soul crumbling away,
and falling away,
falling away with you

all of the love we left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find
memories I will never find